“Here in my garage. Just bought this new Lamborghini here. It’s fun to drive up here in the Hollywood Hills. But you know what I like a lot more than materialistic things? Knowledge.” Perhaps, while waiting impatiently for the new Owl City video to load on YouTube, you came across this dork’s preroll advertisement. Perhaps, like me, you assumed it was a very long, very dry joke.

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For the last month or so, Tai Lopez has been popping his tiny bespectacled head into the intros I’m watching with alarming regularity. Usually, I’ll click through them as soon as YouTube lets me—you have to stick around and watch for just long enough to get to the “Knowledge” part before you can skip—but today some masochistic impulse led me to sit through four excruciating minutes of Tai. Not a joke at all, it turns out!

After showing off the seven new bookshelves he had to install to accommodate the 2,000 books he just bought, Lopez gives a spiel about mentorship, optimism, Helen Keller, Conrad Hilton, new jobs, new lifestyles, stress traveling the world, and fuel units. Fuel units? “Money—I don’t call it money anymore. I call it fuel units,” Lopez explains. “You must have enough fuel units to live out your dream and to live out your destiny.” OK.

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Ultimately, the ad directs you to Lopez’s website, which presents old-fashioned self-help hucksterism in a manner that a man who reads Elite Daily or listens to Mac Miller might find appealing. Why aren’t you meeting more successful people? Because you aren’t partying with models at Tai Lopez’s pool. Why is your brain crazy? Because of your reptilian brain. Why aren’t you getting ahead at work? Because you haven’t paid Tai Lopez $997 for a “67 Day Application Phone Consulting Call.” Why’s it take so long to read a book? Because Tai Lopez hasn’t taught you how to do it in 10 minutes.

It’s like Tai Lopez says: The more you learn, the more you earn.

Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.